Thoughts on Van Life: Time to Build a Bed?
Now past the 2 year mark since transitioning into the van, we find ourselves rethinking our bed. It has been extremely convenient to simply turn the middle seat around making a common living space and each take a bench for sleeping, but it’s reached a point of separation anxiety in our marriage. No matter how comforting it is to slip into our minimal vandwelling lifestyle, our marriage has to take precedence.
Simply living in close quarters with another person can bring tension to any kind of relationship. Since we are a couple who slept in the same bed for years and enjoyed the simple touch of the other person while drifting into dream state, we split ourselves apart in the attempt to be minimal. It was a successful attempt, but with a side affect. It seems to have added distance to the tense situations.
Are we truly missing some kind of connection when sleeping apart or are we missing the bigger picture?. Many "old school" couples have separate rooms and only join together for procreation purposes through years of marriage. Where did they find the power within to stay committed to each other? Could it have been the social structure in society being disgusted with the idea of divorce and the discomfort of intimate relations? These days just simply being close to your spouse in public or around others can create a social awkwardness.
I personally find this to be unjust as I am not satisfied with simply seeing or knowing my husband is in the same area. I don’t require his constant touch, but I do find comfort in feeling his presence. It brings something to me that my eyes can not fulfill, a connection beyond that of which I have with other people. It’s special and I personally have found that to be compromised with the lack of touch while sleeping. This is not the act of intercourse, but something emotionally deeper. Maybe it really does revolve around my low vision and the need to touch to “see” my surroundings. I don’t feel comfortable breaking a social norm by touching everyone I meet nor do I feel the need to do so. I can see others enough to feel a connection, but I hold a my marriage on a higher level. My spouse is someone with whom I share the majority of life experiences with and desire a deeper connection.
Perhaps it's time to build a bed...
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Meisha, I’ve been divorced for almost 5 years and understand that anxiety you feel. My ex is still my best friend, which puzzles many people… Definitely listen to your instincts on what you need in your marriage. Sometimes people don’t REALLY know why they feel upset, anxious, bored, or even feel trapped in a marriage. If that ONE thing really bothers you, CHANGE IT NOW. And, another thing… Never divorce. You guys have a good thing. Work on it always. God bless!